


The Light in a Pool

by islasands



Series: Lambski [9]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-09-07
Updated: 2011-09-07
Packaged: 2017-10-23 12:36:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/250379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/islasands/pseuds/islasands
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam and Sauli are navigating the deeper waters of their love...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Light in a Pool

Sauli threw up his hands."Ja vitut! Haista paska! Suit yourself. You always do.”

“Well, that’s one way to act out your passive aggressive. Fight me in Finnish.”

“And another way for you to be a lazy prick.”

“What the fuck does _that_ mean? The problem, your problem, I might add, is that you were jealous. Admit it. Then hurry the fuck up and get over it. I want to sleep with you.”

“Jealous? Now you are being stupid. Why do I care? I had no care. You can kiss anyone you like.”

“It wasn’t a real kiss. We were playing. He jumped me.”

“Aren’t you listening? I don’t care about that. It is not the reason.”

“Yes it is.”

“It’s not always about you! Do you hear what you say? “Hurry up. I want to sleep with you.” That is the problem. When things are happy for you then we have conversation. But other times you hide your bad feelings.”

“That isn’t true. I hide nothing.”

“And then I wonder what to do with _my_ feelings if they are bad. You don’t care. You think a fuck cures everything.”

“For me it does.”

“For me it doesn’t. What I feel, the things I am feeling, they are not snow in a globe!”

“What?”

“You know those things. Inside the globe there is a scene. You shake it and there is snow. That is how you handle me. I am inside a scene of your life and when it pleases you to do it, you shake me. It isn’t a joke. Oh, I see. I am a joke.”

“I can’t help it if even when you really piss me off I still want to fuck you.”

Adam opened the sliding door and watched the rain. He glanced back at Sauli who was sleeping soundly despite their unresolved argument. It was their first real stand off, and over what? He couldn’t work it out. He didn’t want to work it out.

He returned his attention to the rain. He had never noticed how rain bounces when it lands on water, thousands of drops dancing, about a foot into the air, pausing ever so slightly before their second fall. A long and then a short fall. Short fall. Well, he clearly was missing the mark with Sauli. But what the hell.

Adam held out a hand to catch some drops but the rain was so light he could barely feel them. The lightness of its touch was aggravating. It made his hand feel itchy. He wiped it on his chest. He looked back at Sauli. That was never how he slept, facing away, facing the wall. Always he slept with an arm or leg over Adam.

But he still wasn’t ready to make amends, if indeed that was what he needed to make. He wandered over to the pool. He was cold but he wanted to be drenched. He looked down at the reflection of the pool light oscillating like a mirage in the black water. He looked up at the light itself, streaming down from its halo of rain. Light. In one element so sure, in another so uncertain. And then he remembered the snow globe. His heart lurched. His love, feeling like that.

He suddenly knew what to say and hurried to say it. He went back into their bedroom, crawled across the bed, and pulled Sauli’s shoulder.

“Wake up. Wake up.”

Sauli rolled over sleepily. “You’re cold. You’re wet.”

“Yes, yes, But it doesn’t matter. Sit up.”

Sauli sat up. He gathered the bedding around him. Adam bent over and turned on the bedside lamp. Sauli blinked at it, and then put his hand on Adam’s arm. “You are wet,” he repeated. Adam reached for his hands and held them tightly.

“I can’t always get there,” he said. “Sometimes when things are shit, in here,” without releasing Sauli’s hand he touched the side of his head, “I can’t speak from my heart. I don’t know why. But I love you the same. You’re not in a scene of my life. You’re not.”

Sauli pulled a hand free and wiped Adam’s cheeks.

“No, let me finish. Then you can say whatever. I will listen, I promise. But the reason, the reason I want to fuck you is not so as I can shake you and make you snow. It’s because when we fuck my heart comes out of me, you break it out of me, and I can _feel_. With my mind I love you like a beam of light. Straight and sure. But not with this. This is out of my control.” He held Sauli’s hand against his chest.

Sauli frowned. The corners of his lips turned down. He put his arms around Adam and held him close. There was a long pause while he fought to retain his self-control. 

“I understand." Sauli pulled back and searched Adam's eyes. "I think I do. I feel the same. Sometimes it hurts just looking at you. Sometimes when I am most happy I suddenly think I am falling. And then I want you to save me.” Sauli couldn't hold himself together. He burst into tears. "I hold out my hand and you don't take it. One minute you won't let me go, next you won't even take my hand. I feel used. I am so sorry, saying this."

Adam briefly put his head on Sauli's shoulder. Then he took a deep breath and gently kissed Sauli's eyes. He licked up the tears. They knelt up on the bed and began to kiss and between the kisses they said the things they each wanted most to hear. 

"Oh fuck," Adam said. "Ignore it. It just has a fucking mind of its own."

Sauli laughed. He put his hand between Adam's legs. "You were right. I didn't like that man kissing you. It was like a sting of a bee."

"There was nothing to be jealous of, baby. He threw his mouth on me like a wet cloth."

"And my kisses?"

"Your kisses, my love, are like light shining in a pool."

They laid down and wrapped their limbs around each other, and set about saving one another, one from the blind fluency of his heart, the other from the breaking cloud of his.

And it rained all night long. 


End file.
